Health, Wealth and Happiness

I have spent a long time thinking; “I’ll be totally happy when…” 
Don’t get me wrong, I was happy, but I believed I’d be MORE happy when I had more money for clothes, more money to fix broken things, more money for anything. 
I thought my problem was money. I knew it wasn’t the answer but something deep in me ached. A dissatisfaction. 
Today as I type this, my blender works but I have to cover the top with my hand as a piece broke off (I don’t pay for things until they’re completely and utterly irreparable) the magic bullet died, the coffee machine is dying, our TV is second hand and shuts off occasionally, I own 2 pairs of shorts and 6 pairs of underwear. 
All very MINIMAL first world issues that used to feel HUGE. 
I would feel crushed under the weight of all that we “needed” to pay for and here I sit today, content. 
I have found wealth in the strangest of places; in my own heart. It has been building, and will continue to build even greater and the funny thing is, with that builds income. It just comes. 
I HATED when people said true wealth starts inside. Shut up Tony Robbins I want to fly to Tahiti with nothing but my purse and buy everything on my trip! That’s wealth!
And then my eyes were opened. Slowly. Pried maybe. But opened none the less. 
Now I see, truly that wealth is gratitude. Wealth is the daily practice into self. 
Because when I’m connected to myself, I can still my mind and connect to God. Wealth is connection. 


Wealth is the ability to not care about the now in a sense of dread because I am connected to the knowledge that we are on our way up, that God has taken care of us already and that coffee machines don’t matter. 
Lives matter. 
I’m working with people to change deep seeded disbelief  in their value, their ability, their image. 
Getting up early every morning and taking time to run my dog is the single best part of my day, and it allows me to FULLY enjoy the rest of my day. Ok not always fully, but I’m more present and connected with as a mom is a huge gift to my children. 
This practice of biking, not being touched by another person, having the wind in my hair and the smell of the day freshly starting, this is what I have needed for so long. 
This time invested in me, connected to me, has allowed me to see clearly all I have. And that I have all I need and more. 
I’m so excited about this act of getting up and spending time on myself away from everyone and everything that I’m actually developing a 5 day morning boot camp for my team of coaches who are looking to elevate their own lives. 
I believe it’s time to rise; that it’s possible and tangible. 
I believe for the first time in my life I can have it all, and I can give it all to others. 

I’m grateful for the morning, because with it comes two little miracles that give me a reason to invest in myself more than ever. 
Now is the time friends; if you’ve ever considered being a coach on my team now is the time. Just hit contact me and let me know where you’re at, because this training for now, will be  exclusive to my team. Those that have said yes, I’m ready for change; I don’t know how, but I’m willing to try. 
That’s all I need. A small seed of belief that says yes, I think I can. 
With that, together we can change it all. 


On my inner mean girl

“I wish I looked as good as I feel” I said to myself this morning. 
“When people meet me, they’re probably disappointed that I don’t look better than I am” 
These are the thoughts rambling about my head today, and it’s not ok. 
I’m a firm believer that body image affects us all, big or small, because we haven’t dealt with our inner voices that tear us down. 
You can lose all the weight in the world and build all the muscle in the world but if you can’t speak KINDLY to yourself and love yourself in your current imperfections, how on earth can you expect to love yourself when you’re at your goal weight? 
The truth is you won’t. 
The truth is you’ll be disappointed that the girl staring back at you is the same girl, and you’ll be sad. 
You’ll feel good, you’ll have more energy and you’ll have all those things you hoped you’d have, but you’ll still feel not done yet. 
You’ll still feel incomplete. 
Because the real work starts in the heart. 
The real work starts with strengthening your MIND. 
I should wake up and tell myself daily that I look FREAKING AMAZING but instead I’m brought down by this little layer of fat? Maybe it’s just skin? My mind is so bent I can’t even tell you what it is. 
The truth is exercise is important. Eating healthy is important.
But if you lose the ability to move your legs one day and suddenly you have it all ripped from you and you have to sit with yourself every day and you gain a few pounds, are you less worthy? 


Are you less worthy? 


No! You’re freaking not! 
You should wake up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror and think I’M A FRICKEN GODDESS YAAAAAS!  
This is not a mindset reserved for the fit and thin! This is available to everyone right freaking now if you just CHOOSE IT!
Yes still work towards a healthy lifestyle, have strength goals, have Self LOVE goals but for fricks sake love your life and love your damn body. 

What’s wrong with the world where someone like ME has tears in her eyes as she takes these photos? 
If you’re overweight let me tell you, SKINNY ISNT THE CURE TO YOUR LOATHING. 
It’s just not. 
You have to work on you. You have to fight more than weights. More than food. More than sore muscles. 
You have to fight your inner demons. 
And that why so many fail, and that is why so many of my clients succeed. I’m here to tell you, we are worth more. We fight these vicious thoughts. 
We fight. 
I won’t find the love I desire by cutting 700 calories and carb cycling. 
I’ll find it by telling myself every day I’m freaking powerful. 
I’m strong. 
I’m beautiful. 
Here’s to living loved. 

On Body Fat and Self Love

I would like to talk about this as I posted earlier talking about finding my IDEAL, and I want to invite you into my world a little bit more. 

You see, in 2009 I was 40lbs heavier. Yep. 40lbs. When I say I have been into fitness for for almost a decade, this photo on the left is me 7 months before it started. I was happy ish with how I looked. There is nothing wrong with my before, but I had a horrible relationship with food and myself. I had many demons. 


A few years earlier when I was even smaller than my 2009 photo, I dated someone who, when I ordered a BLT bagel at McDonalds asked me “really? You sure you don’t want a salad?” 
And so it began. 

Did I need a salad? I honestly hadn’t thought about it much before. Isn’t it amazing how one comment, that grows to many comments over the course of a relationship turns into your inner dialogue for years to come? 

So for a long time I felt I had to build myself up in my head to be the best, because I believed my only worth was in my body. I didn’t believe I held any value outside of my looks. And if that was true, my value had the ability to be lost. 

So I talked about how healthy I ate, my abs, and I searched from validation from everyone. I seemed arrogant and no one would have guessed I was struggling with my self image; I put on a very strong front. I didn’t know who or whose I was. 

Fast forward to 2017; I have two little boys who love me regardless of what I look like, eat or do, and this is the healthiest, fittest I have ever felt, but not the smallest. 

I have been much smaller, tighter and more muscular than I am now, but the difference is now my mind is at peace with who I am and whose I am; God’s love for me knows no numbers or sizes.  

I no longer define myself by scales or muscles; I can celebrate them without being owned by them. So something like 20% body fat holds no joy or sadness for me. It’s merely a number, a gauge, a baseline. It allows me to track my progress but it does not and never will define who I am and how much I love myself. 
It simply is. 

And 20% body fat on me looks different on you. It might be healthy for me, and not for you, and my goals to lower my BF % are short term and will reflect a healthy loving relationship with my body. 

I write this for the young girls watching, that you owe it to no one to be a certain body fat percentage. That my journey is my own and meant to inspire, not to add to the incredible amount of insecurity. 

Both of these pictures I am beautiful on the outside, but the me on the left is struggling deeply inside. 

The me now is strong. Has a healthy mind and lifting weights gives me a feeling of accomplishment and power. 
I can do anything. 

And so can you, but you are not the sum of your body fat. You are not the sum of the scale. 

You are not a number, and fitness is not a size. 

If you want to be surrounded by other women on this journey of self love and strength, I am here for you. 

Competing and Comparison

I keep forgetting that I’m doing this for ME. Not for anyone else. That this was a goal I set to push me further and do something uncomfortable and reach a goal I otherwise thought was impossible. 
Posing in bikini?! Walking the stage in heels in front of EVERYONE in my company to show how hard (or not) I worked…it’s extremely terrifying and humbling. I’ve realized I can only be me. I can’t pretend to be someone else.

So, I took some updated pictures last night and I was SO disappointed I didn’t look like what I envisioned in my mind I should look like as someone getting ready for a competition. 
I felt so much fear and doubt creeping in from a moment of comparison and it nearly crippled me. 
Maybe it wouldn’t have so much if I hadn’t put it all on social media, because suddenly I was left wondering what if everyone else was having the same thoughts?
“She doesn’t look good enough yet…” 

“She doesn’t really know what she’s doing” 

“Her form isn’t really the greatest…”
And I could let those cripple me or I could embrace them, and that’s what I’m choosing. 
I look and feel great but I am NOT where figure competitors are, and that’s ok because I’m 8 months post partum and started lifting light weights 2 months ago 😂 let’s be real here. 
What I am is shooting for the stars and even if I don’t make it there by July, I’ll be a lot closer than I was if I didn’t try. 
I also do not know what I’m doing haha I’m learning a LOT, and it’s hard because there’s a lot of friends I have who know a LOT more than I do and it can be super intimidating to put my “newness” out there. Like terrifying. 
But even they started somewhere, with little knowledge and a LOT of hunger for more. And I own my journey and I love my journey. 
Form and strength will all come. I focus on learning form to protect myself and I don’t lift heavier than what my form can handle, which means my transformation will be slower for now, that’s OK with me. 
And then lastly, remember to just beat the girl in the mirror. So I grabbed some pictures from January and immediately realized I am stronger than that girl, I have more energy than her and I make it through more of my workout than her.
She is my greatest competitor and she is the only one that matters; I will not be trying to compete with the amazing athletes I’m friends with, I will compete with myself. 

And I will win. 

**If you are interested in joining me for my next challenge and you are READY, I mean ALL IN, hit that contact me button and I will coach you through my exact process** 

Dear Mommy; let me hold you 

Dear mommies, please don’t uncomfortably spin away from tiny hands touching your tummy. They don’t see fat or rolls. Regardless of your level of self love, let them love you. It can be so healing to see those eyes light up as they play with your extra skin ❤ it’s just an extension of you. 
Sure I don’t have a lot so what do I know right? But I’m a woman with insecurities. Just because we’re different doesn’t mean we can’t be united in that. 
I’ve had babies and my body doesn’t look like it did before and no matter your size, society affects us all and the only way to positively influence society … 
is to let our kids love us. All bits of us. And to never show them we don’t love parts of us. 
Let us show them what strong, beautiful and confident looks like. Let us show them that we will not be defined by our bodies but by the strength of our hearts that beat within them. 


Dear mommy, let them hold you. Let it heal you.

On being cheap

I am cheap. 

Ask my husband … we spent FOUR YEARS using a stupid BROKEN tea light candle holder as our tamper for our espresso machine 🙄 I kid you not. 
I will wait for the sale day at nutters before I buy anything, and if I forget to go, I will wait a FULL MONTH for the sale again. 
I have 👙 undies that my husband BEGS me to throw out and buy new ones because I’ve had them for longer than we’ve been married 😂

Our jeeps engine had to die before I would get another vehicle even though I knew we had almost outgrown it completely already! 

And I PRIDE myself on my ability to NOT spend money 😜

So the fact that I spend $155 a month on Shakeology is CRAZY out of character for me. You have no idea.
So why? Why did I do it? 
Because I was so deep in post partum depression and all I wanted was something natural and healthy to help put good nutrients in my body daily. 
I did not want anti depressants because deep down I knew that food is medicine and if I could stuff all the right superfoods into a smoothie and SLEEP some, I’d be me again. 
But I can’t. I can’t be that person to shop for all those ingredients every week and use them fast enough that they don’t go bad. I didn’t know what I needed and I didn’t have time to do the research I just needed something not full of crap to help me get daily what I wasn’t getting. 
So in my desperation I reached out to this woman in my church that I connected with who I saw was just announced as an emerald coach with beachbody which I LOVED their programs, but guys I was so sheepish to talk to her and THIS IS HOW CHEAP I AM: 
I wouldn’t pay for my challenge pack. 
I saw the value, but maybe not fully, and we were struggling financially. I couldn’t. I couldn’t let go even if it meant saving money in the long run, I couldn’t see that way. I mean we all know if we invest in our health NOW we save in the long term but I have such a hard time actually doing that for myself. 
MY COACH (now I’m crying) made me a deal. If I could come up with X amount of money, she would make an investment in me and cover the rest. Who does that? 
Well, I did it. 
I sold stuff. My own personal possessions. I sold them for this. 
I didn’t know how the next month would be paid. Or the next. Or the next. But I couldn’t think that far. I just needed to move and my depression was holding my brain hostage and this was the only solution that made sense to me. 
And you know what? So many people were attracted to my journey, because y’all I BEAT post partum depression and anxiety through nutrients and endorphins that I never ended up having to pay for it those next few months my husband was in school. 
And this stupid gimmicky miracle shake (what I thought at first) turned out to be the most incredible life changing nutrient vitamin superfoods drink my body craves daily. 
And it’s not a “miracle”. It’s vitamins. Superfoods. Nutrients. But for the situation I was in…it was my miracle. And it is a miracle for so many others!
Now I am a happy, thriving momma. Nothing is perfect but everything is ok. 
Nothing can ever convince me to stop drinking this. Nothing can ever convince me to stop sharing this. 
Nothing. 

I don’t have a product for you. I have a solution. 
It’s time to get over your doubts and dive in. 
Hit contact me and let’s start talking about how your life can change and about a solution. 

On Why I Hated this Picture 


I HATE that my first thought when I saw this photo was that I should have flexed my core. I took this picture to celebrate myself. My achievement. Not just my body. My dedication. My work. My transformation as a woman. And yet I cringed. 

I HATE that we women, no MATTER our size or shape criticize ourselves. We are not just taught to look a certain way, but at its core we are taught we are not enough. 

NO MORE.

 
I am a daughter of the King and I am not going to be apart of tearing myself apart anymore because I think as women we are all connected and as such, when I tear myself down, I tear down everyone watching. I won’t be apart of that anymore. 

I am officially RELEASING myself of the results I want and think will be good enough and I declare that I am already good enough. I am enough. I am simply exploring the curiosity of my heart God placed in me ❤ and I’m walking forward into new areas of playfulness regardless of where it may lead.
 
You must love yourself where you start if you want to love yourself at the end. 
It is OK to want to redefine your body. Body love movements make me feel like it’s NOT OK that I want to do this, but I won’t accept it. Even if it’s not meant to, I won’t accept it even from myself. 

Body love means be big, be small, be YOU. 
Yes, you should absolutely exercise. You should get your heart rate up 30 minutes a day 3-5x a week. Garden, golf or walk. If you want your body to change, that is OK. It doesn’t mean you hate yourself it means you want to find the person you love. Maybe you’ve lost that person … I lost that person for a long time and being thinner wasn’t what found me. 
I found myself in MOVEMENT. 

If you’re looking to unleash the fierce warrior inside, to unveil the person that’s been hidden for too long, take action. 

Your time is now. 

No more. 

I am enough.