On Stretch Marks and Real Self Love

I am 30 weeks pregnant with my second and I still have no stretch marks to speak of on my stomach (I have stretch marks elsewhere from growing up fast).

April 14, 2016 – 29 weeks

 

It’s time for honesty.

I talk a lot about loving yourself, accepting the changes…I even posted a video showing off my cellulite legs last week, attempting to normalize pregnancy gains and show women it’s OK to gain fat stores.

But truth be told, I’m still afraid of stretch marks…and I don’t love my cellulite. I drink up to 4L of water a day to avoid stretch marks and at this point in pregnancy I’ll start slathering on the coconut oil / frankincense blend I made to ensure my belly stays stretch mark free.

I still fear pregnancy and how it will ruin my body. 

It really goes to show you how twisted our societies mentality is. I mean we take something beautiful and turn it into something to be feared. 

I think it’s ok to not want them, I do, and water helps your skin retain its elasticity, so it’s a good thing to drink more water because the goal is to be healthier. But we shouldn’t be so terrified of these marks, nor should it signify a body to be ruined. How dramatic.

Truthfully, it frustrates me that because I’m into fitness, I sort of perpetuate the stereotypical perfect pregnancy. 

But … still … I want to be very loud and very clear about something;

I am not perfect.

IMG_9705.JPG
Me on the swings at 30 weeks pregnant

I sit, I get dimples.

My message is clear and simple.

It’s ok to believe in your heart you are beautiful and still desire to change things about your body.

It is ok that I don’t want stretch marks. It’s ok that I’m working out to have the body I desire after pregnancy because I have to live in it forever, but it’s also ok to get stretch marks and to have extra skin. Even though I know it’ll be a journey, I’ll learn to love myself fully in a new state of life and I’ll share it with you. For now, my journey is one towards no fear. Because to be honest, I am afraid of living in a body I don’t love. But that isn’t a result of pregnancy, it’s the result of me not understanding that my own body is worthy of love.

Now, I want to be very intentional with what I say next, because it’s important. Probably the most important thing I have to say…

I do not have an idea of what you should look like. 

By encouraging people to be fit, and to be healthy and to workout, and by being small and fit myself, I am in no way asking that people pursue my body. I am on my own journey.

Seriously, go find your own.

I am here to share my journey not impose it on everyone around me.

My journey is meant to inspire; to say it can be done and you can do it too. I want to invite everyone to join me, and to set goals to be the best version of themselves, whatever that looks like. I don’t have a box for you to fit in! I don’t think you NEED to be my size or shape to be fit and healthy, in fact I KNOW you don’t. Health comes from the inside and works it’s way out and because we are all made gloriously different, that will look so beautifully different on everyone.

The best version of yourself, is 100% up to you. I will never tell you what you need to look like.

Realize that my body has seven years of nutrition and health behind it. I am not just some naturally tiny person, I have worked very hard to be where I am today. I started young, and I didn’t give up. The way I am today is a results of small dedicated decisions I have made every day for almost a decade. I know what my body looks like when I treat it well, and THAT’S my goal, to treat it well.

Everything else is secondary.

Real self love comes from not fearing the future, but from preparing for it and treating yourself the best way possible. Even if it means indulging in a piece of birthday cake … three days in a row … #mylifethisweek

I fed my soul.

Real self love comes from taking action and saying because I love me I will do everything I can to ensure the healthiest version of myself, and whatever comes my way I’ll figure it out and learn to love myself all over again.

I don’t know what battles I am going to face in life, but I can tell you this, I will be ready.

And I won’t be afraid.

 

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