It’s Friday night, I have no styling product in my hair and no makeup on. I’m wearing a plain long sleeve top and wide straight leg pants from Mexico. My husband saw me and said I look really nice tonight …
This is my favourite version of me.
I have to wear makeup at work, I enjoy blush and lip gloss when I’m not at work at times, but I love my 3 day weekends where I become the purest version of me for a full weekend.
It’s always a bit shocking the first time I see my face without any trace of makeup, but then I become familiar with the redder spots … the slight imperfections I can’t help but attempt to balance out with my makeup.
And then after a few combative minutes against negative self talk, I smile.
I recognize this girl.
I don’t need to hear ‘you’re beautiful’ from anyone, regardless of the wonderful heart behind them, the point of the journey I’m on is to believe it from the inside, from my own heart. The point is for you to recognize beauty in yourself, regardless of your size, skin type, hair length, eye colour … anything. So if you comment, please say something overly kind about yourself, and nothing of me. I want to hear you say from your heart, something lovely about yourself.
I am not a make up girl, but I easily get caught up in “making myself prettier”…but I’m happy to say that since I began my new journey into mental health, fitness and better nutrients in my body, I love this face I see tonight, once again. (To all my makeup artist friends, I do not believe that you do not love your own face which is why you wear makeup. Disclaimer over.)
It’s been a while since I’ve seen this girl; really looked into those eyes and witnessed the contentment, and been free of loathing.
It’s been a huge journey in these last few months, clawing myself away from post partum depression, getting fit while pregnant and forcing a change in mindset to just stay the course and be healthy because it’s the best thing for me … I believe my intentions and my message have changed drastically since being a mother as well, and for that I’m grateful.
A few years ago, kidless and clueless (speaking to me, no one else, calm down Internet) I would have been entirely results driven. This would be a photo of my body and about having zero excuses, and while I still believe in eliminating excuses, I had no compassion. No understanding. There was no room for error or growth around me. You either were, or you weren’t. I couldn’t see the journey. I didn’t have compassoin.
I now have experience in real struggle, real mental torment, which has left me overflowing with compassion and understanding and a burning desire to connect and to help.
I no longer roll my eyes at you for not working out. I instead want to hug you, because it is just that hard some days to even put on clean underwear.
My prayer is that one day, you’ll look in the mirror and see your favourite self smiling back at you. Maybe she’s wearing makeup, maybe her hairs done, maybe she fits in her old clothes, maybe she outgrew them but is still comfortable and fit and healthy in her new clothes.
I don’t care.
My intention is set, and it’s to coach you to be the best version of yourself, and only you can tell me what that is. I won’t tell you. You need to know what it takes to look in the mirror and say,
I know that girl, and I like her.