On Being Reborn

I sent this to my coach last night, because this week I have been struggling. This week I have seen me self sabotage, and head down a path I don’t like.

I want an empire. I want more. I want a business. I want a thriving business. I want to have a free and full life. I want to create a life for my family. I want to leave a legacy for my kids. I want to do something different. Something I’ve never done before. I don’t want to just be fit. Generally active. I want to have goals. To do things on purpose. Not stumble around in them when it’s convenient for me. I want to not have to be at work anymore and hear my son say “I want mommy” on the other end but know I can’t leave yet. I want to own my time. I want to do something every single day, and not stop doing it one day because things feel good, and then completely lose track and balance.

I want to change. I want to break free from old habits. I want to loose the warrior God has put in me but I keep finding ways to not do it. And I just needed to be accountable and say I’m not doing it. I’m trying. But I’m not doing. I’m making excuses. And I’m frustrated with that girl. She isn’t who I look up to.

I don’t know the purpose or end goal of this message, but I just needed to say that. To you. My friend. My coach.

Do you know what’s frustrating? Knowing your potential and not living up to it. Knowing that you can change and not doing it. Falling back on old habits. On old methods. Being that old person who doesn’t get things done.

I’m here right now to write her a letter;

Dear Michelle,

You’ve loved hard, you’ve lost hard. You’ve had joys, you’ve had pain. But you’ve also made choices.

Choices that aren’t bad. Choices that are seemingly … negligible. But choices that don’t fire you up, but drag you down. Slowly. Quietly.

You fall back on, “that’s just who I am.”

You decide on change, you move forward, and when you fall back, you fall hard. So hard and for so long, that you forget how to get back up again. That you expect someone to do it for you.

You expect someone to come pick you up. To say the right thing. To be that person for you.

Not this time.

This time, you’ll pick yourself up. You’ll be that person for yourself.

This time, you have recognized the trend.

And this time, you are capable of more.

You can overcome your habits.

You can overcome your fears.

It’s Easter. And what better time to be reminded that you are reborn.

Rise and Grind Fitness. It stands for rising from the ashes, and hitting the grind hard every day. Not because it’s easy, but because it’s worth it. We’re reborn in the grind.

This is the grind. Today. Here. Now.

This is where you decide are you going to stay the same, or are you going to change?

Are you going to let the things of this world pull you down? Or are you going to recognize that you’ve been reborn; that you’ve been given the strength to accomplish something new and mighty?

You get a chance to be reborn every morning.

And tomorrow morning you rise up with Christ, who died for our sins regardless of if you ever loved him for it. He chose you.

This isn’t just fitness.

This has never been just fitness.

This is about making a stand and saying you are more than you think you are.

And I say that you are loved. I say that you are capable of anything. I say you are royalty; a crown has been bestowed on you, regardless of your merit. And I say these things not out of some divinity I posses of my own, but out of being grounded in who Christ is. And who He says you are.

He says you are whole. He says you are new.

So act whole. Act new.

And rise.

The grind is here. The grind is now.

And you are mighty.

With love,



On Asking for Help

I hired a cleaning lady yesterday. I can’t believe I paid someone to clean my house. But only because it adds to the judgments I feel on mothers … on me.

I should be able to do this myself. 

During my post partum depression, I did not know how to clean. I didn’t have the energy or mental ability to think about emptying the dishwasher. It was too daunting. I couldn’t fathom what it would take to pick up the dirty laundry and put it in the wash…it was all utterly overwhelming and the tasks consumed me every day; taunting me. Mocking me. 

I didn’t even know how to put my son down and have a shower. I can’t tell you how many times I wound up sobbing on the bathroom floor, naked and wet, holding my son while the hot shower filled the room with a heavy blanket of steam and depression. 

My house was not just messy, it was dirty, and I was completely ashamed. I hated when people visited. 

I was overwrought with the thought, “I should be able to do this.” 

My mom, my amazing mom, would come over and clean my entire house from top to bottom. She would scrub walls, toilets and bathtubs…and I would sit and talk. Incapable of knowing how to even begin helping. Feeling guilty as ashamed to not be helping … and she just cleaned. Never asking for anything in return, she just wanted to help. Words will never be enough to thank her for her help. She knew. She just knew. She gave me a space to feel relaxed in. A few days peace before it was all headed for ruin again. And she didn’t ask. She just did. I pray I will be that same kind of mother, of person, for my kids, that she is to us. 

But since joining a challenge group, becoming an online personal health and fitness coach, taking my fitness and ultimately my life back, I’ve been able to tidy. I’ve been able to start building habits that lead to a cleaner, healthier home environment. 

But I can’t catch up. 

I didn’t ask my mom for as much help as I should have, because truth be told I was ashamed in front of her as well. She raised me. And I failed at an area she excelled in. She kept a clean home. Raised two kids. And I couldn’t. So I didn’t ask for help from someone who would always give it without judgment. 

Because of this, there’s still layers of grime around my home that need attention. A home deserves to be taken care of. Not perfect, but it’s my home. And I now can take pride in caring for the place we raise our kids. Not in perfection, but not in filth. 

So I hired help. And it was weird. 

I still passed judgment on myself … should this be where I spend this money? Is it worth sacrificing other things? Am I that person now? 

And just who is that person that I had such a hard time becoming? The mom who’s home so much and still doesn’t get her house clean. What does she do all day anyways? The mom who can go get her nails done but can’t seem to get the walls and windows washed? Must be nice to afford such a luxury

And then I realize, who am I to judge others, but most importantly, who am I to judge myself? I think mommy wars are waged inside…not just out. 

I think they start with us. 

I think they start with a lack of honesty. 

Well, here’s me being honest.

I can’t do it all. I haven’t figured it out yet. I was depressed, and I needed help. I asked for help. 

I prefer to cook all our meals, and buy very little pre-made food. I’ve even begun experimenting with granola bars. Hello, my name is Michelle and I am a crunchy mom.

I prefer to workout before I scrub the toilets. I put eating well and fitness above other things. Hello, my name is Michelle and I am a fit mom. 

I like to spend time outside with my son, I like to have coffee and read books while he naps instead of folding laundry, I like to catch up with friends and arrange play dates and set up fitness groups for pregnant moms because my passion is to help.

Hello. My name is Michelle, and I am a real person. I am a real mom.

And sometimes, I need help.

You Don’t Need Me

I honestly don’t believe every single person on the face of the planet needs what I have. Many people have found success in health and fitness, found what works for them, and are killing it. And some of you honestly don’t want what I have …

And I LOVE it.

You see, I just want people to be fit and healthy and happy, and if y, I want to help.

I found what works for me and MY family. But there are literally thousands of options out there. Thousands. Of all price ranges. And the truth is, maybe we’re not a good fit for you.

Whaaaaat? Did she just say that? Yea…I did. I know this to be a fact.

I’m really not looking for everyone under the sun to join me. In fact, I’m a bit selective about those I reach out to. I want to run with the willing. Some days we are all a bit unwilling, and that’s ok, but I can’t drag you to success. You have to get up and walk at some point.

You have to do the work. 

I’m looking for someone who’s ready to make a change. I don’t need your perfection, I just need you to show up. To be honest, to dig deep, and to bare your soul a little bit. Because we’re going to get a little deep. I’m not going to one size fits all you. I’m going to get to know you. Get to know your goals. To make them mine. To plant myself next to you and water you until you’re ready to grow on your own. And I’m going to be honest when I tell you, yes, you need this. Because I’m your coach. Not your babysitter.

I’m not saying you need to be working out 5x a week when we start. I just need someone who expects to work. Who doesn’t expect me to have a magic formula. It’s not magic.

It’s simply nutrition + fitness + support = success.

Note that only ONE PART of that equation involves me. Support.

The rest is up to you.

So know that I won’t knock on your door and make you press play. You gotta want it.

I’m looking for someone who’s completely fed up with the way things are, and who is willing to try something different. Even if it scares them. To commit wholeheartedly, and if at the end they want to keep going, wicked. If not, but they saw success that they carry with them for the rest of their life? AH-mazing.

I did my job.

I’m looking for someone who has a passion for their future, not just their summer.

Maybe you’re not there yet, but you want to be. I’m looking for you.

I don’t think everyone on earth needs a six pack to be fit and healthy. That is not the goal.

I don’t think everyone on earth needs to work out 6x a week and eat on perfect meal plan forever.

do think everyone on earth needs to find some level of fitness 3x a week. Even if it’s just walking.

do think everyone needs to nourish their body with good things and not eat junk all, or even half of the time.


do think everyone could benefit from the programs and supplements we use…why would I do them if I didn’t? Just like you can benefit from walking … I support that too by the way.

But I don’t walk around thinking everyone needs me.

Everyone needs something.  Maybe I can help you find that something.

Maybe I can help you turn that something into income. Into a business.

Maybe I can help you turn that something into joy over depression. Into self love over self hate even if you aren’t a size 2 at the end of it. Into whatever you want it to turn into.

Your goals, are my goals. If you want me.

This is the last call for the March 21st challenge group.

But this is the first call for just two people.

Two people who want to see if they can make this a real business for themselves, and a real lifestyle.

You’ll be personally mentored by me and my coach in business, personal development and health and fitness.

If you’re interested in joining our challenge group, or in joining my team, send an email with either

“Challenge ready!”


“Business builder!”

as your subject to michrgross@gmail.com  and join us at Rise and Grind Fitness, where we rise up from our former selves, and we sweat and push and grind together.

Supermom; Myth or Mastery?

I have such a hard time not comparing myself to other moms. Honestly, don’t we all? We see videos all the time that are funny and show off every different kind of “that mom” and there’s always a supermom.


You know the kind of mom I’m talking about.

Some would say she’s any of the following:

  • Always got her makeup done and hair done
  • Is never late
  • Every meal is home cooked and worthy of a cooking show
  • Bakes home made brownies that are refined sugar free and puts them next to your store bought chocolate chip snickers topped cookies
  • House is always immaculate
  • Kids are well behaved
  • Seems more laid back and care free with her seven children than you are with your one
  • etc etc etc

These are real things women have said to me, or that I feel myself. The pressure to be super is real. My question is, is it myth? Or is it simply mastery?

We know what myth means, and we’re very very quick to say in our society today that supermom’s don’t exist. So why do they still exist? In our minds they are very real; I mean … there are just moms who do more. They get more done in a day than I can. They seem to have more hours. Why is that? How do they do it?

Mastery; comprehensive knowledge or skill in a subject or accomplishment.

Synonyms: proficiency, ability, capability

Is it mastery? We all can think of someone we know when we think of this word. In any area of life, not even necessarily mother to mother, but most certainly in this area for the moms of the Pinterest age.

So what do I think? Myth or mastery?

Both. Yep. Both.

First, let’s deal with the myth. No one is perfect. We all know it, and yet we idolize each other, put other women up on pedestals and compete or feel guilty over the title of supermom. I’m guilty of this, daily, even though I know better.

My personal idea of a supermom is one who can bake treats weekly, have a clean house every time I show up, unannounced or not, and who posts photos of themselves out with friends regularly kid free. How do they do it? I wanna do that … and I constantly feel a small sense of shame stepping into that clean house, or knowing I didn’t do something they seem to do so easily.

But here’s the thing: they aren’t perfect. And I think that’s what Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest are making us see and feel, is that someone is perfect if they can accomplish whatever it is you feel makes a supermom. Whatever it is that makes your heart ache because you so desperately wish you could be that way, still doesn’t make them perfect, and they’ll tell you that themselves. We need to remind ourselves of this.

Drop the shame, we weren’t created to live in shame.

So, supermom’s are a myth. Plain and simple. Even if you believe someone to be, they will admit readily they are not, and share with you all their faults and your rose coloured glasses will be shattered.

She’ll tell you they just spent the last 15 minutes crying in the bathroom while their kids screamed at her/each other from the other side, and all she could do was lock herself away and hide.

She’ll tell you she fights with her husband, despite all the happy photos posted.

She’ll tell you she gets out with her friends often because she’s escaping her home life because during this season, she just doesn’t love it. 

So let’s all stop trying to be supermom’s, because they don’t exist. Mk? Good.

The myth of the supermom is simple: we assume too much about other people’s lives.

The flip side; Mastery

Ok Michelle, but the truth is these women still accomplish things I want to be able to do, and I just don’t know how to do it.

Here’s my take on the mastery of the urban legend, the supermom.

I got called a supermom a few weeks ago! WHAT!? I am not. I will tell you right now, I will be that mom, who will tell you that I am not. We established the myth, right? Right. So moving on.

Dishes pile up in my home for sometimes weeks, my banister is covered in dirt, dog hair and filth after ages of neglect. My toilet will likely be cleaned while I “go pee” during your surprise visit. I have piles of laundry. Not cleaned. Just piles of dirty laundry. The dog hasn’t been walked. I probably haven’t showered in a few days.

But yes, I workout, I get my hair done regularly, I tend to braid my hair and put on a little blush and lipstick when I wake up, I get outside regularly and I read to my kiddo as often as I can, I make all our food at home, I make it as healthy as possible, I work as a part time hairstylist and I am building my own fitness coaching business from home.

It’s called priorities.

Look at your supermom; whoever it is in your life that you just are in awe of. Now take away wanting to be her, because you’ll never be her, and if you could be her it’d be a very very bad thing, because darling, the world needs you. 

So just be you, mk?

Accept all that you are, and all that you are not, and be ok with that even if you want to change. We need to find balance between being content in the present, and moving forward at the same time. In life you’re either moving up or moving down. That’s just a fact. So, move up.

But how? Well … here’s what I did, and continue to do.

Firstly, pick your priorities. Stick to those. For me? Cleaning is not on the top of my list. I love a clean house, but it doesn’t leave me feeling balanced and satisfied. If it is for you, do that. I accept that it’ll never be spotless on my own, because it’s not my first priority.

(If you’re a mom in survival mode having a hard time getting through each day, struggling with depression and sleep exhaustion, I’ve been there. This article isn’t necessarily for you, but this one is. When you’re ready to take the next step, come back here.)

Secondly, get really good at your priorities. Hone those skills. I picked working out as my number one thing to do in a day. Some days I don’t do it, but it’s the first thing I’m working towards making a non-negotiable in my life. It’s my me time. I love fitness (can you tell??) and it gives me a sense of accomplishment, it’s my antidepressant, and it’s the time of day I say, I’m worth it. Don’t add anything else until you feel confident that your priorities are set and in stone. Become a master.

Thirdly, pick a supermom characteristic that you want. And while we’re at it, let’s drop the word supermom and just say mom. Because all mom’s are super. So for me, it’s having kind of a handle on the house. I do need to get out of the depression habits of just not cleaning, because gross. So I ensure I set aside 10 minutes every day for cleaning. This has progressed to 10 minutes here and there, which leaves me with a tidier house, I even set a timer at the start. That was literally the small, most tiny goal I set for myself at the start. Because depression debilitates you, leaving you overwhelmed, thinking you don’t know how to do things. I get a bit of anxiety in the mix there as well. So, find a small, super tiny goal, and add it in. Make sure it’s manageable.

Now here’s the secret … master it. And master it again. Repeat x forever.

That’s right, it’s mastery. Small, seemingly insignificant actions taken every single day that add up to a life you built, and can call your own. We all have things we’re natural masters at, and we see these other moms and think to be a good mom I must do XYZ …


You are a good mom. Period.

But if you want to do more things, do more things. Just start small, and add. Repeat x forever. Life is growth. Stop growing, stop living.

I do this with being a wife, being a mom, being a friend … I’m slowly adding things to my list of skills I’d like to master.

Instead of wishing I was a wife like so and so, I just stop, and think about what kind of wife I would like to beInstead of wishing I was a friend like so and so, I stop, think about the kind of friend I’d like to be. Instead of … get the point?

That’s it guys. That’s “supermoms.” They’ve spent years doing daily small things, mastering the areas of their lives that are important to them, and suddenly it seems like they can do it all. Compound interest in positive actions.

So anyone can do it. You can do it. I can do it.

We’re all supermoms, and none of us are.

Myth. Mastery.

Don’t be anyone but yourself, stop wishing you had what other people had, and go out and get it for yourself.

It doesn’t have to be complicated, and it doesn’t have to be overnight. In fact it won’t be. It’ll be slow. But eventually, it’ll explode, and the person you knew you already were, emerged.

You’re already there, you just need to see it.


Lose the Mirror

Pictured is me 38 weeks pregnant with my first, followed by 2 weeks post C Section, followed by roughly 5 months post partum.

Here I am again, pregnant with my second



And to be honest, the girl I see in the photos, and the woman I FEEL like, don’t reflect in what I see in the mirror.

I’m working hard. I’m eating well. I’m doing all the right things.

Yet my reflection LIES to me. In my reflection I see love handles. I’m carrying differently with this baby, and it’s frustrating. I want to be the girl who’s “all belly” and I want to have nothing added on my sides like I see other fit moms with.

But the truth is, we can all find a flaw in the mirror.

We can all tell each other how amazing we look and how tiny or perfect we’re carrying, but it doesn’t matter, because when we come home and look at our reflection, we see a distorted image.

My goal is to challenge that image. My challenge groups are designed around CHANGE. They’re designed around a lifestyle shift, and change in perception on who you thought you could be versus who you are.

This reflection I see isn’t me. It’s an image my mind has created, one bombarded by media, to tell me that I’m still not good enough. I’m still not working hard enough.

And it’s crap.

My challenge to you all is to lose the mirror.

Yes, please take measurements and before and after photos, so you can appreciate your hard work, but if you look at them and cut yourself down and berate yourself, never look at them again until you can speak love to them.

My challenge to myself is to look in the mirror and say there’s a warrior.


I want to see someone who works hard and loves her body and treats it well regardless of the results.

It is hard. I’m watching my body get bigger and change in ways opposite of what the typical gym junkie gets to see. But instead I challenge everyone to look PAST the mirror, and look inward.

How’s your mind? Do you FEEL good? Do you have more energy? Can you breathe better? Can you walk further? Can you play longer?

These are my real goals. Strength. Vitality. Life and life abundantly.

Abs, toned legs, those are byproducts.

The real work is done on the inside.

So everyone joining me for the 30 Day Challenge starting March 21st;

Lose the mirror and focus on the real gains.


Rise and grind my friends, here’s where the real work begins.

Details at michrgross@gmail.com

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

We’ve come miles from where we started. From feeling sorry for ourselves, to taking control of our lives, setting good habits in motion, and getting in the shape we’ve always wanted to be. Well, the shape I’ve always hoped to maintain while pregnant. Fit. Healthy.

We’ve felt strong; we’ve felt hope.

We didn’t expect to be pulled backwards so soon.

I’ve talked a lot about finding your why, so that when life punches you in the face, you’re ready to fight back, and right now I’m on the precipice of falling.

Falling back into self pity. Back into why me’s. Back into blaming my son for all my circumstance.

“Well, my son doesn’t sleep…”

And he doesn’t. He’s up for at least an hour in the middle of the night, every single night.

But I let this define him, and I let it define us, and it’s not fair.

None the less, I find myself today deflated. Lucas and I have come so far, eating so well, working out every day, and we’re sliding back into survival mode basics.

Eat to live, try a little less, be grumpy, be moody, clean less … do less … be less.

It’s a hard place to be, and I’m not sure where there’s balance.

I do not do no sleep well. It completely wrecks me emotionally … but my questions is, is it because I let it?

I don’t know. Not yet. I guess I’ll find out .

I really thought I had until wooga (baby 2…baby 1 is booga. So naturally, booga wooga) was born to set my intentions and habits so I could handle this well. Turns out, life always has other plans, and it’s time to see what we’re made of.

Our fitness is going to look different right now. You can’t perform and push your body to new limits on little sleep. I don’t think it’s safe or smart.

I have nothing to prove to anyone. I don’t need to appear like superwoman, working out while pregnant and not sleeping. I don’t care if other women do it. Ok I care a little. I wonder if i could … but then I remind myself that I know me best. That I am my own expert, and only I have to answer for what I do and don’t do.

So if you worked out even though your kid was up every 2 hours for 2 years, kudos. But that’s not me. Yea we lose sleep sometimes, and I work out through it sometimes. But not this time. This time, I need to recognize that if I push too hard, I will push myself back into exactly what I’m trying to stay out of. (link to my first post describing what that is)

So, what do I do now? 

What can I do now?

What can a mom, with a list of things to do all the time regardless of how much sleep she gets, focus on when sleep leaves and we’re forced into survival mode?

Here’s my new survival mode list for myself:

  1. EAT! Don’t be lazy with food. This takes NO extra energy, it’s a mind game. Eat clean, eat to fuel your body because even if you take a break from fitness, your body still needs good healthy fats, protein, veggies etc to help you not get sick and to give you energy through those really really hard days. Mom’s, we always eat last. But what do they tell you to do on a plane in case of emergency? Put your air mask on first, because you can’t help your kids if you pass out.
  2. VITAMINS/SUPPLEMENTS! I have to remember to drink my shakeo every. single. day. It’s my guaranteed nutrition, vitamins, probiotics, superfoods, energy and so much more all in one, and it’s the easiest to make. I have no excuses. I have to make it non-negotiable. Also, take my B12’s and my folic acid.
  3. PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT! Read your Bible. Pray. Spend just ten minutes feeding your mind with something encouraging. A book. Meditation. Whatever that is to you, you have to fuel your mind as well as your body. You can’t stop feeding your brain, this keeps you focused and remembering the big picture.
  4. FITNESS! Get some kind of endorphin rush. Go for a walk, do some squats and pushups. Get your blood pumping in some way shape or form. Just because you aren’t pushing hard, doesn’t mean you’re giving up. You can do something. I can do something.
  5. HYGIENE! What? Yes. Mom’s forget this. Again, we’re busy putting ourselves last. Depression/sleep exhaustion often means forgetting or not caring about these little things. So make it part of your survival guide.
    1. Brush your teeth
    2. Wash your face
    3. If you can’t shower that day, wipe down the essentials with a baby wipe. Yes, I’m serious, but also, the baby can wait a few minutes while you shower quick. This is something I didn’t do with my first because I couldn’t stand the crying. Literally. Any crying and I felt like I had to hop out of my shower and get him, leaving me soaking wet, soapy and crying because I couldn’t do anything.
    4. Put on some blush. Braid your hair. Put an extra pretty headband on. Do something that will give you a smidge of joy as you leave the house to get groceries.


I’ve taken care of 1 and 2 today, now I’m off to finish my survival list, and see where that leaves me.


Take it easy moms and dads. This gig gets rough, and you have no one’s standards of a “good mom and dad” but your own. Kids fed, kids healthy, kids kinda clean? Cool. Win.


Don’t give up. I’m told this passes. It will pass.


What’s on your survival guide?




You guys something crazy is happening … I just put my first post up in my VERY OWN Private Coaching Group (photo^ ha). And I freaking cried. I COULD blame being pregnant, or I could admit what most of you know, and that’s that I’m an emotional human being.
My last sentence in my post is what got me …
Welcome to the Grind Brassheads
And I was completely overcome with all the feelings. Why? Why is this so emotional to me? Well … I’ve been dreaming of this for a long time. To start a movement, to start changing lives. And I NEVER knew how to do it until now, and when I said those few words, it just felt so incredibly real. So real I just started to cry. To release.
It’s an incredibly healing point in my journey to be reaching out and helping others; to identify with the struggle of depression, anxiety and getting back to fitness after having kids and to actually have a tangible way to give back when I felt taken from for so long.
There were days that I laid in bed, staring at the wall, knowing I should be out watching my son making sure his adventurous heart didn’t get him incredibly hurt, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up. One day he actually stuck his finger in a fan because I was laying in bed, unwilling to force myself up. He was fine don’t worry! But I was pretty emotionless about the whole thing. I felt like a blank slate. I just didn’t care about much anymore, and it ate at me. I felt like the worlds worst mother. And at the same time, I felt nothing most days.
I look back and see a girl who didn’t know how to do anything. I see someone who was lost in their own world, adrift in a body that was foreign to them. Sure, I was skinny. As if that’s all that matters, but I’ve eaten healthy for a long time, and abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym. So to a lot of people, I looked like I had it together. But I was a far cry from the strong, healthy girl I once knew.
September 2014; 3 months PP Firstborn
I literally could not do dishes. I actually felt anxious because I felt like I didn’t even know how to start. Some days I still feel like this. Anxiety piles in my chest over a sink full of dishes. Sometimes I physically feel like I can’t pick up the toilet bowl brush to scrub the toilet because in my mind, I just can’t. It’s a scramble, a mess. I’m still picking up the pieces to make a whole picture.
But I’m not alone. By reaching out, by starting something new, God’s created this incredible community of women around me. I started this at first with “I’ve created…” but I’ve only done what God’s asked me to do, and that’s take a step. Now take another step. Now do it again. Every day. Compound interest of positive actions. Just move forward. Every single day.
That’s why this means SO much to me.
I was pretty set on Team Kick some Brass because it was fun, had some great marketing phrases available to it, and I’m still going to use it, because it jives with my fun mood. But first and foremost, I had started with Rise and Grind, and it’s hung in my heart because it feels like something I can attach my soul to.
For me, it reminds me that I rose up from the ashes.
I’ve been reborn. Pulled from the mire onto the shore where I dug my nails in, and began to grind. Crawling out of a pit takes grit. It takes effort. It takes determination. It takes brass.
Somewhere deep inside me is a woman not willing to give up. Someone willing to work, to fight, and to save herself.
And now I get to use my freedom, my joy, to share with others.
Team Rise and Grind stands for hard work, for dedication, and for falling down in the muck and getting right back up.
We don’t believe in perfection, but we do believe in grit.
Welcome to the Grind.
With love,
The Gross’

A Fitness Fraud

I wish you could see not just the physical transformation of the girl in this picture, but the mental.
On the left, I had just finished a year abroad with the most amazing missions organization YWAM. My life was turned right side up, and I was transformed.
But do you know what I look back on and remember? Pretending to be more than I was.
I liked to run, I liked to eat healthy … but it was an ACT. It was so I could pretend I loved myself, and pretend that I was doing all I could do to love myself in the best way possible.
I used to talk ENDLESSLY about eating well and working out, and not actually LIVING that lifestyle, and I walked around with tremendous internal conflict and guilt.
Why did I feel the need to lie? Because I wanted it, and I didn’t know how to do it, and I didn’t have the discipline either. So I pretended.
I pretended to be happy, I pretended when I said “God loves me this way, so I love me this way”
The truth was, I didn’t love me this way. And I can tell you, I never ONCE felt fat.
I never EVER recall feeling too big. Not loving my body externally.
What I do recall was knowing I was capable of more, and not doing it.
Unfulfilled potential is like a heavy rock that sits inside you and does nothing. But the thing is, the longer you carry it, the heavier it feels until one day it’s almost unbearable.
We all have a calling on our lives to find the treasure God has buried inside, and it’s our JOY to find it, and to have joy in it.
Yes, my legs are smaller. Yes, my arms are smaller. Yes, my face is less round, but if you could only see my heart.
It’s gotten so big ❤
The photo on the right was taken before I had my son, and once I had him, I lost that girl, again. 4 months ago, I would have told you she’s gone, and I don’t know where to find her.
But I found her, once again.
We are capable of more than what we give ourselves credit for; we can accomplish everything we ever dreamed of accomplishing. God has given us all the tools. But will we pick them up? Will we learn how to use them? Will we improve our skills until they become like a limb, that we control without any effort?
I now have the tools, and it’s more than fitness. It’s more than a shake; it’s a community, it’s a way of life. It’s fulfilling the desires of my heart that have been placed there for a purpose.
And now I’m using that joy and spreading it around. Let me know if you want some.
You are capable.
You are worthy.